News from the Mattyverse

Preamble - So I tend to write when I am in work and then re-read it back to see if I want to share it, and in work I can seemingly marshal my thoughts a little bit better. I also get topics come into my head when I am working to walk listening to music but I thought it was time for a break from a typical Matty rant, the types of rants that people more eloquent, articulate and more importantly funny embark on but there you go.  


(The important stuff you should read, really! No pressure but seriously life altering stuff) We are six months into 2012 and it is shaping up into being a very fine year, the kind of year where in the future if it were a wine it would be a vintage.  After the very shaky start which saw me end up in hospital and needing emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed, it has just got better and better (even to moments of pure ecstasy more on that later.  If you have read previous posts then you will have already read how unwell I actually was and how it took the removal of my gall bladder and stepping back from life to see how poorly physically, emotionally and mentally I actually I was.

Through the course of 2012, through the support of loved ones and maybe through the removal of the aforementioned offending organ (although funny that I just typed girl in there before organ, no prizes for guessing the offending girl though!) I have got better and better, my anxieties have largely gone, the bounce and smile are back in meaningful ways along with self confidence and belief to stand up for myself and not keep the peace anymore in family matters which has lead to confrontation which I do hate.

I have done so much fun so far this year, highlights of which include going to Liverpool for the night with my girlfriend Sarah and her little one, spending time with my best friends and their little one, a civilized meal for my 31st (yep 31 and I still find it surprising that I got here but this is not the place for the dark days of my past) I had an awesome drunken unexpected night in Leamington (not calling it's full name), Slam Dunk in Leeds was a lot of fun as it involved too much booze and loud music, I have  been to Orlando and there were some proper moments of sheer joy such as going on the Hulk Ride and Harry Potter @ Universal Worlds of Adventure
along with seeing Coheed and Cambria and meeting the lovely Julie Brown. 


There is still so much to come this year; celebrating Sarah's birthday, Shell Island, Gaslight Anthem, Just So Festival and plans afoot for more awesomeness.  I am growing older, never up....and more comic book/graphic novel collection keeps growing  

So where does life go from here? Onward and upwards,  yes I still get low and I still don't know why although I do blame the man period for why it happens on a regular occasion (I think I may have used occasion on one too many occasions....did you see what I did there? I really do split my sides with my word play skills).

There are no earth shattering epiphanies held within this blog and no "the moral of the story is", I will leave the lessons to Thundercats as it worked for me and I am sure countless others of my generation.

Some people have fallen out of my life for a variety of reasons some of which I may be to blame for but that is the nature of friendships, but some are stronger and I feel there are people around I can count on when necessary and I want to see more of these people now life is settling down and I have my health back. 


I love my life, my little family and the friends I have who kick my ass when it's necessary. I have also met some lovely people in 2012 as well and am at almost peace with myself and the decisions I have made which I have lead to me writing this today.

Matty C

Love, Peace and Harmony. 

Endings, New Beginnings and Changes

So where to start; with the negative to get it out with and then move onto the positives or just let it flow as it should? This may be one of my most unstructured posts to date but I am sat with my fingers itching to get out what is inside and not let it build up inside.

The weekend just gone I finally made it down to Basingstoke to swap stuff with an ex-girlfriend and this was a very serious relationship, well to me it was.  The relationship ended May 2011, but I was fucked if I was going to spend 3 hours on a train just to spend 2 minutes to pick my stuff up so I was eager to go with a friend.  So after a conversation on Friday night after already agreeing to it last year but I wanted to make sure it was cool, I sent a message to my ex to check it was sorted.  So down we went, and the swap was made.  I had already been left a little confused by her decision to give jewellery back to me which I hadn't asked for, and wouldn't have asked for as it was a gift.

So that was the end of what had together and a new side was showed to me, one I knew she had but hadn't expected it to be turned my way, I could go into more detail but that solves nothing as it is down with now.  So that was the Ending as mentioned in the title and it goes hand in hands with New Beginnings and Changes.

My friend and I  made our way back to the Midlands but got struck by the snow, fortunately my friend had already asked if we could call in on her mum, and with the snow being bad it was a wise decision which lead to much fun in a new place :-D



Since my gallbladder has come out I have been able to grab so much of my life back and a lot of my old self has returned, the Matty that people, well a person remembered so well from 4 years ago.  I have been able to look at myself and can see now how unwell I really was and that the gallbladder had extremely negative affects on me, not just physically but also in my head and that this shit had been going on for far too long.  I have for the first time been able to sit back from things and let the little things go without over-analysing things and I am also no longer afraid to ask the questions to which in the past I may have not liked the answer but life moves on, and we cannot control everything within in our lives.

Negative behaviours I have managed to cut out, and be more appreciative of those people who are there for me, not necessarily in person but I love them all the same.  Changes are still coming my way and life no longer holds the fear for me.  There is stuff about me that people will only know if they have spent significant time with me, or if I have told them about it directly.   I also have someone in my life who kicks my arse when it needs a good kick, but who without which life is just that little bit more dull than it has to be.

As for the New Beginnings, well it is the first time since 2008 that I will be celebrating my birthday pain-free, I no longer have serious problems with my back threatening to ruin dancing times, old fears have been faced and new ways learnt of dealing with things which raise themselves up.

So there it is, The Matty has metaphorically undergone a rebirth :-D

Gallbladder Out!!

This time last week I had been in a hospital bed for 2 hours after being told by the emergency doctor who arranged the appointment at the Walk-In Centre they would do what they could to keep me out of hospital.  Now I feel far better than I did last Sunday, and far better in my noodle.  Related? Maybe, the stress of not knowing when the gall bladder problems would strike was starting to drag me down, I hadn't realised how bad it had got until this. Anyway, I need to back up to June to put this into some kind of order.

In June I suffered my first pang of pain, I put this down to my efforts at the physio the day before, it eventually went and at this time I was off work.  The bursts would come and go and I told no-one about them as I didn't think much of them as they didn't seem important.  Then I ended up in A&E one morning and was preliminary diagnosed with gallstones, went back to my GP who wanted clarification so organised an Ultra Sound.  I kept getting the pains randomly and without any kind of trigger.  One Monday or Tuesday morning in work I felt absolutely wretched, so I went to the walk-in centre who identified that I also had a UTI, and I had an ultra sound which confirmed them. However,  at this point someone messed up and a referral was never done to the consultant.  The pains kept coming I tried cutting things out to no avail.

In December I saw a private consultant who offered to take it out of me for 6 grand, but I couldn't justify this being paid and also I had in consideration that I desperately wanted to make my friend's wedding as well.  Things seemed to settle down, and I started to seriously consider a liver flush which my girlfriend had herself done, I had never been dubious but wanted to see how it affected her.  I had also been without a laptop myself to do any serious reading up on this.  However, after seeing Occupational Health they helped me and we found out that it was seriously recommended that doing a liver flush whilst having stones was very unwise so this ruled this out.  This was only a week last Wednesday, the 5th January.  I went back to my GP who said I could ask to be put on the waiting list for NHS Surgery so I did this on the Friday afternoon.  The Friday evening I had a lovely evening with my girlfriend, Saturday I felt great and then Sunday struck. 


Sunday, ah Sunday, I woke up in agony and it was such a horrible fucking day, so fast forward to ending up in Hospital.  They said they would look to get rid of the infection and I would be on my way, Monday evening I was very poorly, and then again Tuesday, they came to see me on Tuesday evening and said they would put me on the emergency list for surgery. This happened on Wednesday morning and I have been recovering since, and doing well.

All I know is something feels different, something which I cannot put my finger on but it is not a negative feeling in the slightest.  Things which were in me have left, that is both literal and metaphorical.

I would also like to say thank you to everyone who has supported me.

(Sidenote :- I am sorry for anyone I may have acted a dick to or been harsh with after receiving 2 get well soon cards but I was frustrated and don't hold grudges)