Grammar, punctuation and the general misuse of language

As stated in a previous writing this is a place for me to get stuff out of my head, and that is coming but it will come with a massive warning before you get into the main text about what you’re going to be reading; so for now rest easy and get yourself a drink, actually first get yourself a drink and then rest easy also maybe treat yourself to a nice tasty biscuit, and I will sit here with my glass of water unable to have anything tasty because of my knackered gall bladder.

So previously (in vain hope I claim that) stated I am going to attempt to have a theme within each entry, the last one being sponges/greed and the first I guess was talent/success (well actually it was a diatribe against X Factor and other shows regarding talent).  This first bit is getting all the rubbish out of my head first (and in all honesty is not a necessary read unless of course you are already hanging on what I come out with my words. 

This writing is about words, see what I did there (I’m a funking genius!) and the misuse of words, sayings and other various things which I have noticed by people either on Facebook, famous people or other things which my radar has indicated is wrong.  I will be the first to admit that I do misuse words, and , ay it wrong.  Those of you reading this should know I have issues with language and grammar and it’s misuse, first example of this; the misuse of “their”, “there” and “they’re” along with “you’re” and “your”.  Seriously how difficult is this to get wrong, and don’t cheat by using “UR” or “u r”, this is lazy and as far as I’m concerned not particularly acceptable in a text message, and it’s really fucking lazy when it is on MSN Messenger or in an email/message. You change the context of what’s being said, and as we all know  (all smart people anyway, if this offends and you are an misusing offender of words, well I’m impressed that you have read this far!) context is one of the hardest things to establish on the internet or via a text message.  I realise that some of this is an age thing, but when some of the people who consistently do this are older or a similar age to me, it makes me think this is not an age thing, but either a laze thing or just that you’re a bit thick and you wonder what the bright yellow thing in the sky is. 

Phew, wow that just flowed out of my fingers; I really must have needed to get that out there.  Anyway, there is more to come so do you need another biscuit for dunking?  What’s your choice of dunkable biscuit?  I used to like dunk custard creams, tasty.  I was watching The Idiot Box a while ago and there was a sportsperson on tv who said that when their likeness was revealed to them that it “literally blew them away” so here comes my next gripe, the abandon which people use  “literally” with.  If you look up the synonyms of this you get; factually, exactly, accurately and plainly.  So unless this person was actually blown away by a big gust of wind that come through, and I am hazarding  a guess that this was not the case and she simply meant she was “blow away”, and why she felt the need to add “literally” in there is anyone’s guess, answers on a double sided postcard.  I never really understood double sided postcards when I was younger, how did the postman know which side to send as you had to put your name and address on it as well.  Anyone else have this trouble? I went to university with someone who believed that Double Sided Sticky Tape, the most famous of accessories that Blue Peter used to create things, was purely made for Blue Peter and did not exist outside of Blue Peter.  This now sounds like a good lie to spread if you wish to make people seem foolish in front of others.

Finally, (the crowd screams noooo, we want more shite to push out the shite in our head already there) the people who I have noticed who offend the most when speaking are football players, commentators  and managers, everything seems to happen at the end of the day, and come out with dazzling statements such as “goals win matches” and live in the glorious place of “if” where everything hinges on “if” occurring. 

 (Disclaimer) I take no responsibility for any glaring grammatical issues which appear throughout, or for the overuse of "misuse" in paragraph 3.